I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
