Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
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When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
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Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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