and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
