Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
