I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
