I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
