i just wanna soil my oats bro
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
