I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
