saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
