dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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