I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
tell me about the eggs
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
