I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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