Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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