it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
