He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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