I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
