I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
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You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
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Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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