WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
