I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
