Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
