Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
