smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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