Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
