He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just google imaged poop.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
