One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
