There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Naked. naked and bneed help.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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