I'm really into asian looking animals
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Sober January is a disaster.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
