Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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