Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
