im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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