Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize