If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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