Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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