i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
