Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
