running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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