OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
