From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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