I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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