If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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