She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
