Define "chronic" masturbator.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.