i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
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i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.