I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again