Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
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So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
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Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.