I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop