You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize