My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
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Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
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Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.