we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
