She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My orgasm happened in two different decades
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
