...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
