Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
