I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
