porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Randomize
