she takes plan B like it's going out of style
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
