Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
