I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
