i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
