You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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