Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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