At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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