In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
