I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
