he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
