Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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