I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
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Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
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Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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