he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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