So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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