the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
