yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
