So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
