Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
it hurts more in the daytime
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
