Well apparently he's into motor boating.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
This beer is not sobering me up at all
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
