someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
