ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
