I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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