i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
you had me at cake vodka
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
