oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
