When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
