i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I need to align my fucking chakras
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